Relationship Violence

by Marianne Cook, LICSW, Clinician, Harvard University Mental Health Service

Relationship violence is the physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse of one partner by the other. This includes any behavior in a relationship that intentionally frightens, intimidates, manipulates, humiliates, or injures someone. Relationship violence affects millions of Americans each year and is not exclusive to any one group. It occurs across all sectors of society, within all ethnic groups, and in both opposite- and same-sex relationships.

Relationship violence can take place between people who are dating (including teenagers) or people who are in committed long-term partnerships. The following are some warning signs of relationship violence:

You may be in an abusive relationship if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you, or continually criticizes you.
• Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
• Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
• Monitors where you go, whom you call, and whom you spend time with.
• Controls finances or refuses to share money.
• Expects you to ask permission.
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family, or your pets.
• Damages property (throws objects, punches walls, kicks doors, etc.).
• Pushes, slaps, bites, kicks, chokes, or uses a weapon against you.
• Abandons you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Tries to undermine your sobriety.
• Uses your immigration status against you.
• Prevents you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
• Uses physical force in sexual situations.
• Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
• Demands sex when you are sick, tired, or after beating you.
• Ignores your feelings regarding sex.

If you think that you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call one of the relationship violence hotlines listed below to talk to someone about it. In an emergency situation where safety is at risk, you may also need to call 911.

The information in the article above was drawn from the following sources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (2009). What is domestic violence?.
• Newton-Wellesley Hospital (2009). Domestic and sexual violence services at Newton-Wellesley Hospital.

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Additional Sources of Information

Additional information is available at the Boston Public Health Commission’s “Domestic Violence Program,” which also offers a monthly newsletter (call (617) 534-2687 or e-mail domesticviolence@bphc.org).

Forensic Nursing. “Forensic nursing combines science and medicine, law and criminology. At its root, forensic nurses are advocates for patients and resource people, managing the care and efforts of all disciplines involved in the response to incidences of assault or abuse.”